As of a couple of days ago, I had realized I have been having these D days. So many things have been bogging up my mind that I can’t think straight. I have recently been exposed to so many good things and bad things I don’t know what’s happening. At the end of every year, my brain starts to wonder, what have I done this year? The most ironic thing about this answer in my life is: EVERYTHING and also a bit of Nothing Much.
I have been trying so many things this year and so many wonderful things have been happening to my life. Not only have I chosen to do what I have been doing for the fun of it, but also to get my mind off an addiction. Well, some call it an addiction, I have friends who call it a parasite, some even call it a disease. This (let’s call it) addiction is the addiction to want to go faster, be better, turn faster, break less. And yes, it is all about cars. I love my car, it has been through life so much with me and we have both zoomed to the horizon many a time, but it’s never enough, we always strive to get faster. This addiction has cost me quite a bundle of money. But yet, I can’t tear away from it. I keep myself busy with so many things; I have a new daughter (dog), my chopper project is going along well, my life is busy with new things in life, I got married and was also offered a partnership, yet, through all these busy things I do all day, there is a lingering, longing feeling to want to open the hood, tear out the engine and try to make it faster. Enough of that… I know not many can understand this strange feeling, this, addiction, but I have to live with the fact that there are other things in life now that are more important. And that makes me feel bad. The fact that the one who has always been there for me is no longer the priority in life. It makes me feel like I am betraying my good friend.
Anyway, another thing that has been bothering me is the partnership. I was so happy when I heard it. It was a dream come true; no, not to be my own boss, but to do what I love the most. This wasn’t a hobby, racing is my hobby (even that I can’t do anymore), this was something I know I was good at, something I have a great ear for. I knew I could do it. But once again, only one thing stood in my way. MONEY. I don’t have the money to help start the business, nor can I find it anytime soon. It’s not about the fact that the guy I want to partner with is waiting, I have already set the expectation I can’t do it, but it’s more of the fact that I was thinking this was it. I don’t blame anyone or feel hurt that it is anyone’s doing. I know the choices I have to make in life are hard. I honestly don’t want to give up this dream, and I know I can make a huge change in the tuning scene in Malaysia, but I guess it was just a window I could look through and not one that would open. I always say that life is like a house with many windows. When you are born, you go through the door. Then, as you go through life, you look through these windows. Some show you a great picture but there are hints of risk, others look grim, but there is some sunlight far back there. And some; like the one I am looking through right now, show you what you could be doing but the window is locked.
As you move through life, you realize that this is part of it. Some windows open, some don’t, just live with it.
As the year draws to a close, all I can say is, try all your windows, you never know what you might find. And DON’T try to avoid what you love; just try to make do with what you have first then pursue what really makes you happy later. As the ol’ saying goes: if you can’t beat em, join em…. Then beat em from the inside!
--=:Happy Nu Ear:=--
By Vy
P.S. just realized the title is almost the same as the last post.. didn't do it on purpose.
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